Love, Loneliness, Leadership, Lies, and Life

This letter is an authentic response to a European friend whom I have not met personally. We were virtually introduced and have developed a friendship on line. I have never penned my thoughts on this topic and afterwards, I was amazed at what I thought. Perhaps others are experiencing the same dilemma. I decided to share it in an UNEDITED state. I changed his name to protect his privacy. Enjoy

SPIRITUAL SERENDIPITY: LOVE, LONELINESS, LEADERSHIP, LIES, & LIFE


Mahogany (Name Changed),

SPIRITUAL SERENDIPITY: God truly intervened. Earlier as I completed my three "L's", I resisted LEADERSHIP, as I did not want to go the "business" route--I chose LIFE instead. In addition, I was dealing with the "100 mile walk (age difference), and how I would approach you with the implications of it." After I sent to you Part I of this morning's communication, I had a SUDDEN biological urge and had to leave my computer. When I returned, your second e-mail was here with the story of the 100 mile walk. It was in my heart to make a disclaimer about our age difference and was wondering how to frame it without making it an issue. The 100 mile walk said it better than I ever could. While I am younger than 65 and you are younger than 36, the generational span is there; this is a good thing because what I am going to tell you requires experience and I have it.

First of all, let NO ONE FIX YOU. The EX who told you that you are too gentle with girls is right to be an EX!! If she made that statement to you, the two of you were incompatible in the worse way.

All of my life, people have told me that I can not find the right man because I am too STRONG. They said most men are intimidated by a strong woman. I have gotten countless advice about how I am to AUGMENT the AUTHENTICITY OF WHO I AM to attract a mate. This is the largest and most fatal CONFLICT in life.

My statement was and is this: I am who I am and I love the authenticity of who I am. The minute I craft myself into someone else to attract a man; I am no longer me and as a result, I no longer need the man. For crying out loud, if I have to FOLD up for HIM to STAND UP--he is too short! Not only that, but the moment you alter who you are to fit--you must REMEMBER to be someone else every minute and every 86,200 seconds of the day to live up to the LIE of who you are not.

I have been married twice, once in my youth. (We can't remember why it did not work; just the perils of youth.) The second time for all the wrong reasons later in life; lonely, a desire to spend time with a significant other, and tired of the social scene. So I picked someone I felt I could "learn to love." That was a major mistake. I am not certain if my life was not altered forever because of it. I learned my lesson. The lesson is this: It is better to be content and alone than with someone else and miserable. The marriage lasted 18 months; the mistake is lasting forever!!! Just as you can't put your hand in the same place twice in a river, so it is with your life; the river of life just keeps on flowing. Your only choice is to wonder what your life would have been like without the "self imposed interruption."

Finally, on this subject, I will say: I have decided that I am absolutely PERFECT the way I am. It is also my belief that God has assigned the RIGHT man for me and in due season, He will allow us to meet. I believe that when my man is revealed to me, he won't feel that I am too strong; he will be amused and amazed by my knowledge and by my audacity to be all of who I am. My strength will not threaten him, it will amuse him. Even as I operate in overdrive being WRONG, he will have the strength to chuckle and give me space to figure out how wrong I am. Afterwards, he will LOVINGLY point out the discrepancy.

So Mahogany, don't rush the process. At 34, you are a young man and you need companionship. Date. Choose women you meet in church, etc. and invite them to the movie, etc; not with the intent to do anything other than share time with the opposite sex--that is important. When the time is right, God will show you Ms. Right. Don't get ahead of God!

The last thing you need is to "force feed" a relationship with a selected person, get married, start a family, and then discover God had a purpose, a person, and a plan for your life and you are unavailable for it.

Enjoy being single, enjoy being a man, and enjoy being in loving anticipation of what the master has in store for our love life. Oh by the way, she is looking for you too.

Ivory